Original in Spanish: Cosas que me hacen una ilusión absurda
I keep a list of things that spark an absurd joy in me.
I don’t hold back from aiming high or adding silly things: in there you’ll find taking a microgravity flight, making a drawing I actually like, swimming above the Mariana Trench, or taking a walk at the antipode of the house where I was born.
Sometimes I do things from that list and I’m satisfied just ticking the box, but other times that’s not enough and I get many many many urges to share it with someone, or for someone I love not to miss it, because sometimes I open the melon and discover it’s even cooler than I imagined.
That’s what happened the first time I saw a total solar eclipse. Suddenly the list grew a lot, out of the urge to show that to more people I love.
I haven’t stressed much about it though, because in 2026 and 2027 there will be two total solar eclipses in Spain, so loads of people will be around here and will see it even if I don’t lift a finger. Besides, it’s MY list and not other people’s list; I’m aware of that and willing to be told to get lost when I propose certain things to people.
My father was born in ‘46 and my mother in ‘43. I don’t expect them to be such old leathers by 2026 that they can’t enjoy an eclipse, but there’s a non-negligible probability that by then it will be too late. It would give me infinite sorrow if they missed it.
I had been pestering them about it for years, but finally my father agreed to come with me to see it in Chile this summer. My mother told me to shove the invitation where it fit; she wasn’t getting on a plane for that many hours just to watch the Sun get covered XD
I had gotten vacation days in June, everything was ready and paid for. It hadn’t been simple at all; my parents are not at all used to being apart, everything seemed against it, but finally there was a plan: we would fly to Santiago de Chile and drive up to La Serena. Then, glory.
Meanwhile, even though she was the one who didn’t want to come, I felt bad not compensating my mother somehow. My mother is the kind of person who lives to take care of others; she’s the person you want around because she’ll take more work off your hands than she gives you. It’s very hard to give presents to people like that. Whatever I think of giving her, she says “no need”, or feels bad about it. My mother’s list of things that spark joy seems to have been fully completed a long time ago. I know that with all I owe her, a trip is scrap metal, but hey, that’s how I feel it.
Then I go and break my leg in the dumbest way two weeks before the trip.
I resisted as much as I could, but much to my regret I had to surrender to the evidence that the only reasonable solution was to cancel that trip.
Since I couldn’t walk and was far more useless than I could ever have imagined, it was decided that my mother would stay with me at my place in Barcelona to care for me post-surgery and my father would go back to the village.
That’s how I traded a trip alone with my father for a “vacation” alone with my mother at my place, unable to move.
And you know what? It was actually great.
While my mother was at my place not letting me be an adult, I had a good time with her. We talked a lot, about a lot of things, we watched series on my laptop sprawled on the sofa and spent some days with no obligation other than existing.
On the other hand, I realized she’s much more disoriented than I thought. Every day for 15 days she asked me where I kept the coffee, never remembering she had asked the day before. All tiny details, but all together… pfff… I don’t know.
I’ve talked with both of them and my father keeps saying it’s not a big deal and that I’m exaggerating. He hasn’t seen her outside her environment like I have; in the village it doesn’t show as much. We’ve agreed he’ll take her to the doctor one of these days. I hope my father is right.
Then I watched the eclipse on a YouTube live while talking on the phone with my father. Link below. I cried a little.
I have real fear that one of my parents will die, or fall ill. I suppose because it’s the next big thing that’s going to happen to me, even if there’s probably still a long time before that.
What a crap feeling, when the thing that scares you most is at the same time the best-case scenario. The alternative is worse.
It’s not a problem, I’M FINE, but I had been wanting to share it for weeks, so there it goes.
By the way, I want to add that this past Sunday we celebrated their 48 years married; in a couple of years we have to throw a big one :)
https://youtu.be/30lIoBzOwlA?t=5091
(Facebook, 2019-08-13)